Emotional Sobriety

As crazy as it sounds, we can get "drunk" emotionally in our relationships from the toxicity and our emotional reaction to it. If you've ever gone through an extremely emotional experience in a relationship (an intense lengthy argument, a breakup, a crisis, an intervention, an ultimatum, abuse, a family fight, chronic prolonged problems, addictions, or a desperate appeal), you know that you can have an emotional hangover where you are exhausted physically, mentally, and spiritually.

When we allow ourselves to get so entangled with another person’s behavior that we are obsessed, desperate, panicky, controlling, dependent, angry, pushy, needy, and reactive, we will lose our emotional sobriety. Our thinking will become unclear, our emotions will be intense, and our actions unsound. We will do some of the following things:

** We will blur our boundaries and do what isn't in our best interest.

** We will try to convince ourselves to stay longer than we should.

** We will allow behavior we know isn't acceptable.

** We will push others to do what they don't want to do.

** We will lose our focus and forget to live our own lives.

** We will act in ways that we feel are shameful.

** We will over-react to small things and under-react to big things.

** We will lie, cover-up, excuse, rationalize, and deny.

** We will try to reason with unreasonable people.

** We will make choices driven by fear.

In contrast, being emotionally sober means you can:

** See the whole truth (your part, the other person's part, and all the contributing factors)

** Think clearly.

** Feel and identify your emotions.

** Act in a way that is reasonable, right, and healthy, regardless of what your emotions tell you to do.

Emotional sobriety means you are not being controlled by your emotional reaction to circumstances. You feel your emotions but don't allow them to dictate your actions. It allows you to live your life in the midst of imperfect people and relationships and stay detached. 

By Karla Downing

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