HOLDING TO YOUR TRUTH

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a noise? If someone doesn’t agree with your truth, is it still your truth? The answer to both questions is “Yes.” One of the most frustrating things in a difficult relationship is trying to convince the other person of your truth.

We want people to get what we have to say for a number of reasons:

• We want to be understood.
• We want them to get it so they will do what we want.
• We want them to stop doing what is hurting us.
• We want to be validated.
• We want agreement.

In our desperation to try to get people to understand our truth, we do the following things:

• We get angry.
• We yell louder.
• We say it over and over.
• We threaten.
• We say it a different way.

And when they don’t agree, we do these things:

• We question our truth.
• We adjust our truth.
• We invalidate our truth.
• We deny our truth.

One of the common characteristics of a difficult relationship is disagreement. The disagreement can originate from different worldviews, perceptions, beliefs, values, and ideals. It can also come from people’s dysfunctional patterns that cause them to act in unhealthy ways. We get even more invested in trying to convince them of our truth when it involves them doing things that are damaging to themselves, ourselves, our family, and our relationship.

Your truth is yours. No one has to agree with you for it to be true for you. Your perceptions are yours too. If it happened that way for you, then that is what you experienced. If it hurts you, then it hurts you. If you don’t like it, then you don’t like it. If it is unacceptable to you, then it is. If you are angry, worried, upset, scared, unhappy, or uncomfortable, then you are.

It is hard to have those close to you not “get it.” But it is even worse when you abandon your own truth because they don’t.